I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
