Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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