i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
