the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
