He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
