the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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