Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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