Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
