Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
