i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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