i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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