A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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