Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
