Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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