yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
