i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
