so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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