literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
