Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
