Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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