once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
