I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the night ended with taco bell and tears
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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