dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
