Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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