Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
this will be a night to untag.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
