And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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