Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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