we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
