His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
