can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
and she was petting her beer can
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
