He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
