I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
