ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dignity is for republicans.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So much rum. So many feels.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
