He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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