What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
