remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
