I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
