4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
