Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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