I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
