his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
