It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
