i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
