you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
