I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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