Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
