It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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