NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i dont even know how to be here
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
