I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
