made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
