Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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