Porn is love you can see.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
