And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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