Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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